herman.

2011-02-06T18:47:00.001+08:00

My life is a mess and I'm not coping well. My parents are clueless about what I'm going through at this moment. I may seem all happy but inside, there's this pistol pressed against my temple waiting to pull the trigger. I'm tired of being nice. I'm too tired to care anymore. I'm tired of being tired. I am sick and tired of life. You people don't know what I'm actually going through is hell. I wanna run away. I need my space. I want my space. I feel so caged. I want to break free..but I can't. I've rejected so many outings and meet-up session in the last two months. I tried to make time but luck wasn't on my side. I wish you guys knew that I actually tried my very best. I need a little credit at least. I think I'm falling sick more often. I'm not fit anymore. I can't stop consuming all those unhealthy treats. I'm becoming uglier and uglier. And to those who thinks I have feelings for anybody, I don't. They say being single is all fun and freedom well I'm not buying all that crap. I feel lonely all the time. I day dream most of the time. I tried helping someone, hoping to have a second chance, and I wish I would have never met that person. I felt used. I felt cheated. Well, I am forgetting you. All I'm trying to say is that the five-letter apology may not be enough for the troubles I have put you guys through but keep in mind that I have the courage to apologise. I don't care what reply may come but I'm glad that you received my message. Only time can heal all wounds. I hope our friendship won't break.

2010-12-06T14:37:00.000+08:00

A Day To Remember - Right Here Where You Want Me To Be

2010-12-03T00:12:00.001+08:00

I've been living with a shadow overhead.
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed.
I've been lonely for so long.
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on.
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away just in case I ever need them again someday.
I've been setting aside time to clear a little space in the corners of my mind.
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine.
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs.
I know that it's out there, there's gotta be something for my soul somewhere.
I've been looking for someone to shed some light not somebody just to get me through the night.
I could use some direction and I'm open to your suggestions.
There are moments when I don't know if it's real or if anybody feels the way I feel.
I need inspiration not just another negotiation.
All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again, I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end.

2010-11-29T22:53:00.001+08:00

Just have a little patience.
I'm still hurting from a love I lost.
I'm feeling your frustration.
Any minute all the pain will stop.
Just hold me close inside your arms tonight.
Don't be too hard on my emotions.
I really wanna start over again.
I know you wanna be my salvation, the one that I can always depend.
I'll try to be strong, believe me I'm trying to move on.
It's complicated but understand me.
'Cause I need time.
My heart is numb and has no feeling.
So while I'm still healing, just try and have a little patience 'cause the scars run so deep.
It's been hard but I have to believe.
Just have a little patience.

2010-11-29T19:17:00.001+08:00

In the beginning I was up front.
Nothing to think about, you’d always hear me out.
We made a pact and never gave up.
When everything would change, we always stayed the same but something went wrong along the way.
You come around and there’s nothing left to say.
It's like we’re strangers anyway, what more could you ask of me?
If I leave, bet you’ll wish I’d stayed.
Make you regret all the things you said to me.
You know that time can’t help us now.
I’ve always been a man of action.
Never let anything keep a hold of me.
Can always tell when something's missing like I know everything except for you and me.
I can’t make you want to stay.
God knows I tried but this broke under our weight.
I still gave it everything, I guess I never catch my break.

2010-11-29T19:09:00.001+08:00

I speak the truth, and everybody else knows it.
So set your ego to the side and just get the fuck over it.
Can't waste my time on hateful people like you.
So keep wishing you were me, and I'll keep making you have to.

2010-11-22T09:50:00.001+08:00

I’m a mess, that's the best way to describe it.
Having no time to myself is the only way I can fight it.
When I'm alone, it's like I'm staring into a mirror.
Don't know the person inside it and that's never been any clearer.
If you had to do over would you do it over again?
Cause I would, this meant something more to me.
There's a hole in my heart where you used to be.
I still wish you the best of luck, baby.
And don't go thinking this was a waste of time.
I couldn't forget you even if I tried.
You killed what was left of the good in me.
I'm tired so let me be broken.
Look down at the mess that's in front of me.
No other words need be spoken and I've got nobody else to blame though I tried keeping all of our past mistakes held inside.
I’ll live with regret for my whole life.
I confess that I brought this all on myself.
Condemned to suffer alone, like there's nobody else.
When you're gone, it's like a whole part of me is missing.
So I'll just keep living the lie and hope that you're listening.
I tried to make us a life here but our foundation was built on sand.
No time to run until the damage was done and I’ve never had the upper hand.
All the things you love are all the things I hate.
How did we get here in the first place?
I play it cool but it's hard.
It is slowly burning inside of me.
There can't be anymore progress, I know our fate.
The only thing that can heal this is time and space.

2010-11-21T23:26:00.001+08:00

A needless and harrowing future is developing for our generation and generations to come.
But as I walk the chartered streets of this familiar oblivion, I recognize nothing but unweilding consciousness in which we have almost comfortably drowned.
It is madness, this normality is madness!
We are clinging to manufactured crippled constraints.
We must no longer commute between brand-ladened homes and quickly accepted aimless roams from our factories of slavery, to raws of elusive bravery.
We must unite!
We must let the flood gates open.
Here's tonight, I clock a thousand heads.
Here's to unite, through common dreads.

2010-11-03T02:35:00.000+08:00

I welcome you to the second chapter.
I turn the other page, acknowledge you as the only reason for the progress that we've made.
You're my constant reminder.
I came, I saw, I conquered.
Everything has gone so far from where we were before.
Well, I'll keep this short and sweet so I'll get to the point :
My friends come first. That's a part of life.
That's the bottom line.
Here's to the future, never getting older.
When the tables do turn, where will you be?

2010-10-23T19:28:00.000+08:00

Hey Dad, look at me.
Think back and talk to me did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

2010-10-23T14:35:00.000+08:00

And you're still out of my reach. All of the things that I want in my life, how could I ask you to leave me? And we were just kids in love. The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from.The first kiss stole the breath from my lips. Why did the last one tear us apart?

2010-10-19T15:26:00.000+08:00

They gave me all the encouragement I need.
They listen to all my cries.
They feel my pain.
They understand how I exactly feels.
They are the reasons why I still stand on both feet.
They are the people I can't live without.
They are my true friends.

2010-10-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

This past few days has been hell for me.
Despite everything, I still love you with all my heart.
Although you're not mine, I considered you as one.
My selfish attitude have caused you being hurt.
I truely understand your needs but I never seemed to grow up.
I refused to listen, I was stubborn.
You can disappoint me but please don't break my heart.
I'm sorry for everything since 4 June 2010.
I love you very much, bye.

2010-10-17T00:43:00.001+08:00

To seek for your attention is really hard.
To look like a fool, being rejected and feel unwanted, I think I wanna stop trying.
Like seriously stop trying because I can't take this crap any longer.

Sometimes I can't speak my heart out.
Typing is only half of what I'm able to do.
But by keeping it to myself, I'm literally bleeding inside.

2010-10-16T17:24:00.000+08:00

2010-10-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

Thanks for spending the night with me.
Both you and I know that it's been awhile since we had meet-ups.
I'm sorry that you couldn't concentrate on doing your revision.
Thanks for everything!
I love you so much!

2010-10-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

Will you still check on me?
Tell me things will be alright.
Just tell me we will be together someday.
It's in the dreams I have.
I'll be your sunset if you'll be my silhouette.
When you cry a piece of my heart dies, knowing that I may have been the cause.
If you were to leave, fulfill someone else's dreams, I think I might totally be lost.

2010-10-07T00:46:00.002+08:00

Friends are Forever.

2010-10-04T11:20:00.000+08:00

Never thought that we would made this far.

4 months was fast but 2 years was even faster.

What changed our fate was our first date.

I thank Ridhwan for making this possible.

He is the reason what we are today.

Without the extra ticket, I wouldn't invite Love to the show.

Our first two months was a blast.

Then comes the third month, which also happens to fall on my birthday.

We started off pretty badly.

Nevertheless, we made it through.

And don't be sorry for not being here with me today.

I understand perfectly well.

Thanks for being so kind and patient towards me.

I love you too much, and that's all that matters.

I love you

2010-09-27T15:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a disaster.
My mind wasn't at ease.
I kept looking at my watch, hoping to get home.
I felt so fucked up.
The worst part is I didn't receive one message from love.
No doubt I was extremely sad.
Hoping for a proper goodbye, but there was none.

I want to be with you one more night just you and I, and the city lights.
We'll do it one more time except this time we'll get it right.

2010-09-23T18:48:00.001+08:00

Last night, I twettered that I was going to study 'till 2 in the morning.
I did actually - for 10 minutes!
Woke up at 7am, realised that my ass was on my book. LOL!
I rushed to school, reached at 8.30am and only to find out that today class starts at 9.30am instead of 8am.
I blame myself for not attending yesterday's afternoon lesson, NOT!
Lucky I wasn't the only one.
Had test, blah blah blah, home at 1pm.
Tomorrow is the last day of school before we start our 2 weeks break.
I'm not going to school anyway,
nobody does!

Looks like I survived Day 1 of 30 :D

2010-09-20T11:06:00.000+08:00

Thursday
Went out with Love to watch Resident Evil in 3D and it was da' bomb!

Saturday
No one was at home, so I decided to have brunch with Love. Sorry about phone call, wasn't in the mood.

Sunday
My morning sucks. I hid under my blanket till 3pm when Love called me and asked whether I still want to get my shoes at Queensway. I was ecstatic yet speechless. We wasted alot of time searching for a place to eat and deciding where to go after. Taxi-ed back to Woodlands. And I kinda hate how we ended our night. When you are dead, you supposed to stay dead (you know, i know. LOL). Rushed home, watched Man Utd vs Liverpool. United WON :D Sorry Love, Torres's a flop.

Thanks for eveything((:
sayang you banyak banyak!

2010-09-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

This post is specially for Siti Nadhirah.

I'm sorry for being so selfish and so ignorant.
I know what you are going through is tough, and I wasn't being understanding.
Instead, I made you feel miserable even more.
My life has been going downhill for the past few weeks.
Canceling my birthday plan was the worst.
I began to question God's power, which is very sinful.
I forced you to ask your mom whether you can go out.
In the end, you ended up getting scolded.
I'm very very sorry 'cos at that point of time, I wanted you all to myself.
I didn't put myself into your shoes.
Your life's been very chaotic and I didn't really give a damn 'cos I want to spend my time with you.
I was a selfish jerk.
I'm really ashamed of myself.
This is the bad side of me I don't want you to see ever again.

You called me to wish me "Happy Birthday" was the sweetest thing!
Today, I didn't expect that you would message me.
I'm glad you did.
You made me smile, that's the important part.
So I will be seeing you in two months time.
By then, we will be 5 months together((:

Just give me a call if you need me, I'm always 24/7 when it comes to you(:
I love you baby, so very much.
Forever and ever babe<3

2010-09-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

Thanks to those who actually stayed up all night just to message or call me at 12 in the morning.
Khairudy was the first to wish me, followed by a phone call by baby((:
I wanted to talk to you on the phone but I was too tired. I cant remember what we talked about! LOL.
Sorry! hehe.
And to those who actually wished me through MSN, I'm so sorry I did not reply because I accidentally fell asleep without logging off.
A very big THANK YOU to those who wished me through Facebook, appreciate it alot!
And lastly, a special Thank You to the following : Nad, Khairudy, Asryaaf, Atiqah, Sarah, Heedayah and Ridhwan for wishing me more than one, be it message, Facebook or twitter.
I love you guys! :D

Since my plan of going out with baby was cancelled, I followed my parents to Geylang(yucks!) to search my mom's clothes.
After that we went to Downtown East for breakfast.
Then home.
I would say this wasn't the best birthday but I really appreciate the people for trying to cheer me up.
I cant wait for my next birthday and I really hope that I can celebrate it with baby.
Most importantly, I cant wait to get my motor license! :D
HAHA!

Thank You so much once again!
Love, Ben(:

2010-09-01T21:28:00.000+08:00

I feel really bad for you.
You're having your major exam in two months time which is going to determine your future and you have to go through such battle.
I hope ibu will allow you to go out during my birthday.
I really want to spend my time with you.
And please don't say words like "sucks" 'cos you're not.
Sometimes I question myself : did I come at the wrong time?
Maybe I did, but I don't want you in some other guy's arms.
And I don't think I'm helping you in anyway either.
All I do is make matter worse.
Sometimes you would agree to me eventhough it's against your will.
Well, I'm sorry. Really really sorry.
I feel really bad right now.
I don't think I ever wanna live)):
Our 3 months together has been a roller coaster ride.
We can be so high up 'till we can taste the cloud or so low 'till we reach hell.
Well who knows this maybe blessings in disguise?
Good luck for tomorrow's prelim and the best of luck for your O Levels.
All I can do is just hope for the best.
I'm sorry once again.
I love you, N<3 )):

2010-08-30T21:40:00.000+08:00

I'm forever a disappointment in your life.
Nothing's gonna change that.
No wonder god gave you two children cos a disappointment like me deserves no attention than the other.
But hey! You're no good example to me.
Then who else should I look up to?

2010-08-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

School re-opens on Monday. To be honest, I'm not looking forward to it.

I kinda like staying at home in the afternoon but never at night.

I will be turning 17 on the 4th of September and not only that! It will be my 3rd month together with N.

Hell yeah I'm excited!

2010-08-17T14:16:00.000+08:00

I miss this girl <3

2010-08-16T17:19:00.000+08:00

Basically I did nothing today.
I've been sitting on this computer chair since 10 in the morning and I don't think I ever want to sit again in my entire life, not.
My head hurts, my back hurts, my ass hurts but that's not the point.
The point is holiday is boring.
Why boring? Because it's the fasting month.
I'll be having jamming session on Friday.
We are back baby and we will have a gig by end of this year!
I will update more about my band on twitter.
Oh yeah! Follow me on twitter okay? It's always updated.
Follow me : iamBenSherman

2010-08-14T13:21:00.001+08:00

I will be having my 2 weeks holiday starting Monday!
No I'm not gonna work. I will be rotting at home.
Bye-.-

2010-08-04T19:26:00.000+08:00

Dear readers, today it's our 2nd month-sary!
Wooo! And 1 more month to my birthday, double wooo!
I love you, baby<3

2010-08-03T17:31:00.000+08:00

I saw my cousin Suhaidi this morning in the bus!
I'm sorry about what happened so since you're back to single-land, we can concentrate on our band. HA HA!
School was cold and boring.
Supposed to attend some talk regarding what's going to happen when we're in second year at 2pm.
I went home instead :D
2 more days to pay-day and I have lots of stuff to buy!
and most importantly, TOMORROW<3

2010-08-02T10:33:00.000+08:00

I love you, baby.

2 more days(;

2010-07-06T18:28:00.000+08:00

"Love is beautiful, just like my guitar"

2010-06-29T14:16:00.000+08:00

i'm so blue, i'm so cold.

i need you.

2010-06-15T11:51:00.001+08:00

I miss standing beside you.
I miss whispering into you ear.
I miss holding your hands.
I miss your arms around me.
I miss your sweet perfume.
I miss hugging you from the back.
I miss staring at you for no reason.
I miss talking to you.
I miss making decisions with you.
I miss poking your belly.
I miss you touching my "staircase''.
I miss the long hugs.
I miss the long wet kiss.
I miss kissing your forehead.
I miss everything about you.

I miss YOU.

2010-06-12T00:46:00.001+08:00

life is so difficult.
boohoo!

2010-06-05T15:30:00.000+08:00

probably the best night of my life :D

2010-06-02T16:57:00.001+08:00

I'm currently craving for Mrs Fields cookies.
Maybe I'll buy it on Friday? :D
Here's a little fun fact : I only eat Mrs Fields, not Famous Amos cause they suck.

I had Digital Electronics exams in the morning. Guess what? Jia Long and I was actually 30 minutes late for exams. Both of us escaped punishment, if there were any...In the end, both of us did the paper for half an hour.

Alright, take care people.
Bye.

2010-05-24T22:26:00.001+08:00

I feel like crap and I dont wish to hurt any one right now but I cant continue living like this.

2010-05-13T21:41:00.001+08:00

I miss jamming session.
done

2010-05-04T22:54:00.001+08:00

You got me hoping for better things to come.
You may just be the answer to my prayers.
hehe^^

2010-05-03T20:16:00.001+08:00

I would like to wish Nadhirah aka Nadbunc Happy 17 Birthday! ^^
I know it's my third time wishing you but who cares, haha!
I actually planned to wish you through the phone but I remembered that your phone is dead, or was dead..
Anyway, you wont be 17 forever so I hope you will succeed in anything/everything you do especially your O Levels.
Happy Birthday once again! (:

2010-04-27T19:13:00.001+08:00

dear money, i need you so badly.

2010-04-14T22:47:00.001+08:00

"I'll be okay", that's what you want me to say.

2010-04-08T12:48:00.000+08:00

still nothing.

2010-04-07T18:07:00.001+08:00

secret love, my escape
take me far far away.
secret love, are you there?
would you please answer my prayer?
just take me anywhere but here.

2010-04-06T23:28:00.001+08:00